he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
