I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
