Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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