I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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