did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
