alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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