new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
