im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
