Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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