I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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