apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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