remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
