just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
