Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
