How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
