Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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