I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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