If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
