The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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