you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
