Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
