i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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