Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
