She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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