Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
