Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He has the fingertips of a God
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