My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
love makes seman taste better
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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