A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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