I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
