cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
