I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
