If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
