Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
