eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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