it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
