I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
