He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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