My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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