my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
