The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sponge bath it is.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
