I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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