I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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