she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
