I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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