remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize