dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
