I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found your dick twin last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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