How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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