im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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