This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
