i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
