Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
